Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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