So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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