Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(909): View more from California

i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.

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(530): View more from California

smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers

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(973): View more from New Jersey

she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous

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(408): View more from California

Maybe my heart is located in my vagina

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23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.

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(678): View more from Georgia

I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone

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(201): View more from New Jersey

This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard

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(216): View more from Ohio

I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.

(1-216): View more from Ohio

Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.

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(952): View more from Minnesota

You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.

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