Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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