So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it