I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
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My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
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Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma