I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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