i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
