there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
