at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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