just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
