Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
