I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
