You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
