From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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