Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
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