At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
