I seem to have left my pride at pride
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
