my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
