I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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