That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
