you're like a bully in the Christmas story
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Randomize
