Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
