remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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