Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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