Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Randomize
