i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
