he shaved USA in his pubs
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
