I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
how do flat chested girls get laid?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
