I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Houston, we have a squirter
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
