if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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