K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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