Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
