Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
