I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
