if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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