I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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