if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
the day after is always just damage control
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
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The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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