the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
