i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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