I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
