I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
