Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
