I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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