please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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