I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
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