were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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