from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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