Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
