Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
