oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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