Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
