i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
