I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
