All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
