If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
