normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
