Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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