Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
