he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
