Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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