What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
