I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
