Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
