dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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