he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
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I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
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Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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