my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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