the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
