Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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