I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
