I just pynch a tree in the face
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
