I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
